ebb: (Heartbroken)
([personal profile] ebb Apr. 21st, 2009 04:49 pm)
[Level – Public]
(so that those few of you from his lj and not mine can see this)

So, August 1st 2004 was an important day in the lives of [livejournal.com profile] devalmont and [livejournal.com profile] ebb. It was (as we both agree) the day we officially got together as a couple, though it had been on the cards for a little while. Since that time, we’ve been through ups, downs and have become desperately good friends. I love him to bits and he tells and shows me that he loves me to bits too. Which is why it’s with a bit of sadness that April 20th 2009 needs to be mentioned, as it’s the day we decided to move on to other things.

The main reason I’m writing this is to re-assure you all that… we’re okay. We’re not wonderful, there’s no dancing from chandeliers. But we’re okay. The other reason I’m mentioning this on good ‘ole lj is that I don’t want people to be confused and wonder what is going on, but I don’t want to repeat the whole thing lots of times.

Rich and I were originally going to tell people who needed to be aware as it came up, because we don’t want to go ‘staple hand to forhead… oh the dRaMah!’ and often posts like this can come across that way. (We've both tried to directly contact the people we want to initially tell but we're bound to have missed some of you unintentionally as we're both a bit wooley right now, obviously. Sorry for that.) But at least this way, the risk of someone asking ‘So, how are you and Em/Rich?’ and us subsequently being thoroughly odd and having to say ‘Erm, we’re no longer together’, leaving them and us feeling awkward, is reduced.

There are bound to be wobbles as we both adjust – we’ve been together for a little over 4 ½ years and it’s going to take a little while to get used to not doing all the stupid couple-y things we’ve done every day in that time. This morning was the hardest – getting up on my own, leaving the house without kissing him goodbye. Having to check he didn’t need in to clean his teeth before I jumped into the shower rather than just leaving the door ajar for him. Not saying ‘I love you’ as we came off the phone. Wondering who’s going to be mad enough to lift me up by the ears, or stamp-kiss me, or do kissy-nose. All the little things you take for granted. It’s going to take me a little while to get used to being single again and after that, it might take me a little while to like it. But with you lot being the wonderful friends you are, I’m sure we’ll get through it relatively well. Just be patient with us.

There isn’t a big dramatic story. It isn’t nasty. There are no third parties involved. There wasn’t one huge big argument. It was all remarkably calm. It was mutual. We just want and need different things and both recognise that we’d be happier as friends and with other people than we are together. It’s not easy to let go of something but on this occasion, it’s the right thing to do. Neither of us can see things moving past this point now and it’s causing us, for different reasons, a lot of pain and frustration. It was at the point where we weren’t getting on at all – and I don’t want to resent and be bitter about my relationship. We care too much about each other and whilst we’ve let this negative situation go on for a little while in the hopes that things would improve, it’s clear to both of us that it isn’t going to be the case. We’ve both tried our best to make this work but it’s best to end things in a civil way whilst we’re still good friends rather than lose everything.

We’ll be continuing to co-habit for a while. This might prove easy, it might not. And I’m sure a few of you will be thinking that’s the mother of all bad ideas. But I don’t think either of us has the energy to start packing up lots of boxes, house hunting, moving and getting used to new house-mates right now. We’re hoping that we can be respectful of each other’s need for privacy and space, and that we can both employ tact and discretion. We’re in the process of re-organising the house so that it’s easier to have space and have our own things beside us – and as we’ve had a spare bed in the house since pretty much the start, we both have somewhere comfortable to sleep so no need to worry about back-aches! So if you get an invite around to the house, don’t worry – you aren’t walking into a war zone. If we start to feel that it’s not working, we’ll deal with moving and so on then but in the meantime, we just need a bit of recovery time.

If you see us out and about separately, or together as friends, don’t be concerned. Please don’t feel that if you’re inviting me, you can’t invite Richard and vice versa (unless of course it’s very non-me like footie or non-him like shopping spree!). If you see us with other people, you’ll understand why and trust that we’ll not be keeping dates etc from each other but that we won’t be going over-board on detail sharing either.

That said, I doubt either of us will be moving rapidly on to other people – we both need time to decide what’s next. We’ll keep each other informed of those kind of things as and when, out of courtesy, of course.

Tea, hugs, sympathy will all be very much appreciated but not wholly necessary – honestly, coping okay. But feel free to drag me out to things, I might have a tendency to hermit otherwise. I’m pretty sure Rich will say a similar thing!

Lastly, I’ve invested a lot of time and energy into this relationship – we both did. I don’t regret a second of it and I’m sad to see it go. But I’m happy that I’ve got a wonderful friend at the end of it and I’m convinced we’re both doing the best thing for each other and for ourselves. The time is right to move on. Regardless, thanks for our time together Rich, it was really special. x
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