*mope*

[ebb]

[Level - B (now made Public)]

Please excuse me. I'm a little sad right now. Having attempted an lj catch-up, I've found quite a number of entries which have left me feeling more down than I did at devalmont's departure.

Firstly, there seems to be a large proportion of break ups. As a follow on from that, several people resolving to abstain from relationships. This, in itself, is admirable. You should not ever be with someone out of habit or uncertainty at what life would have in store for you without them. But it is never easy or pain free, no matter what the reasons. Closing yourself off to from a chance of happiness to save yourself pain is more than understandable, and in some cases essential to nurse and heal wounds. However, no-one ought to be alone. I hope you can take sollace in your friends and families.

Secondly, I read the journal of a lady who had died. Her partner has continued it, speaking with love and compassion at what I can only imagine must be an incredibly difficult time for him. I shan't put it here but sapphrine lead me to it. It's fragile and beautiful.

Thirdly, as a result of all of this, I remembered how lucky I am.

I have had, once more, a magical weekend. I have been incredibly selfish and self centred but for some quite strange reason this has not dissuaded my lover. We had a great time with his parents on Friday night, he painted my nails exquisitely and we attended SNFNGS followed by Eddies last night.

I'm sure those who saw him will remember him. Incidentally that is his stage outfit. Quite how I managed to leave his side for even a moment I don't know - I blame vodka. I introduced him to many of you (and he seemed to know most of you from some other place, gypsygoth and whiterrabbit specifically, or have mutual friends). After drunkedness and drooling at SNFNGS, huggirl kindly transported us to Eddies (a surprise, I hope Hannah enjoyed her evening!) where I lost my memory and paid little heed to my ridiculously gorgeous man.

My love, I'm sorry.

Of course, it was eventually time to leave and the incredibly kind v_lizzy transported us back to the Black Priory. Thank you!

Being carried to the car was definately the highlight of my evening, as silly as that sounds. On arrival I was able to make toast but wasn't able to think through making up beds. Many apologies, I'm a terrible hostess and friend especially when drunk. Nudge me in the direction of my spare duvet and sofa, I tend to forget I have it.

Today was largely spent smiling and being happy, eating bed picnics and watching Cecil B Demented. Fabulous film, I do recommend it. Only I didn't want to watch it at all. I just wanted to watch him. He's left for Cambridge again. I hate it when either of us has to leave and it was, due to the early arrival of a bus, a rather rushed goodbye. Which brings me back to now.

I looked at lj in a vain bid to perk myself up. It hasn't worked. But only because I realise how special my life is and how easily that can go wrong.

I really am so sorry there isn't more I can do or say to help most of you. Right now, I feel rather useless and guilty.

You seem to have such sweet and fond memories of me, have been so kind and caring towards me and so happy for me - I hope I can be happy for you too. Whether you choose to be single, married, have children, have several partners... I wish you could be ok. No, scrub that. I wish you could feel wonderful. You all deserve to.

Thank you, all of you, for being there. For being you.

Comments

[fuzzygoth.livejournal.com]

> I feel rather useless and guilty.
just remember you can't heal everyones wounds
you just need to say your peice as a friend
and hope if the need you they'll came and talk
to you about it.

> I realise how special my life is and how
> easily that can go wrong.
yes, it can but thats just another reason to
grab life with both hands and like every
moment like it was your last and relish the
times you have.

Personally i just ask myself ... "What would motley crue do?"

:D

[tall-mike.livejournal.com]

silly faces

juggling

bad jokes

and if that doesnt chear you up, plan b will be implemented!

[gypsygoth.livejournal.com]

I've done that 'never again' thing a few times! It is a natural reaction to the pain of a significant break-up. I do believe that time alone (so different from being 'lonely') is very healthy after the end of a long-term relationship. But that's just my opinion ~ I've never been one for so-called 'rebound relationships' but each to their own.
Anyway, I'm rambling now!
It was lovely to see you last night. You looked gorgeous, as ever (I know I keep saying it but I *love* that top!). So devalmont knows me from somewhere?! You'll have to tell me where from next time I see you. It was nice to finally meet him.
See you soon. Gypsy ~xXx~

[ebb.livejournal.com]

He recognised you. Thought it might be from Whitby but I thought not, so he settled on The Calling - I think you've been there a few times, haven't you? It was more a generic 'Sure I've met her before....' type thing :¬)

[gypsygoth.livejournal.com]

Yes, been to 'The Calling' a few years ago with casilda and used to go to Whitby a lot but haven't been for *years*.
Of course, it could just be that I look like every other Goth girlie!!! Gypsy ~xXx~

[sallamino.livejournal.com]

*offers lots of hugs* he will be back again shortly, little consolation as i know that to be.

hurrah for drunkenness,

oh and if i can somehow mange to do so without sounding trite, id like to echo the sentiment of sympathy for all the break ups at the mo- as ever put more eloquently by _ebb_ than il ever manage to. xxx

[reverend2001.livejournal.com]

Did your other half used to DJ The Calling about three years back? Did he have a picture of him up as well down there?

:D

Sorry I didn't make it to Eddies yesterday - I was getting beauty sleep for my date today.

Still hopeful she might even turn up. :)

[ebb.livejournal.com]

He did indeed. He does to this day, though not every time. Do you perchance have a vague recollection of him?!

Hope you're having a wonderful evening. Remember, women are usually late, always have an excuse but secretly always feel guilty... :D

[rubarabadom.livejournal.com]

This post touched me. Many LJ posts feel guarded to some extent, as we often show what we wish others to see and not our true selves. The pain and the clarity of understand and epiphany simply touches me as I have spent many years alone inbetween relationships and am slowly crawling out of the hermit mode once again. At least this time, I'm not rushing into any relationship and I still have choices, I still have chances, and I'm much happier now than [possibly] ever.

Thanks for writing this.

[shardofmany.livejournal.com]

"We had a great time with his parents on Friday night, he painted my nails exquisitely and we attended SNFNGS followed by Eddies last night."
:)
Thanks you made my night...
As usual.

[v-lizzy.livejournal.com]

Oh crikey, this post made me cry :P ...but in the most fabulous way possible.
It's wonderful to see you so rediculously happy, it really is! I guess in some ways it gives me hope...I see two people together who are so perfect and, well, maybe it makes me just a little less cynical about life and love and relationships. And there are some truly wonderful people out there (we just haven't met the right ones! lol) - maybe one day we will all find what we're looking for.
Thank you.
xxx

[baloobas.livejournal.com]

It is good to see you happy, or at least read abotu it anyway - and it sounded like an amazing weekend.

You are a lady definatly deserving of much happiness, and possesing of ridiculous quantities of wisdom for someone who is (despte waht you say) still very young.

You have a big heart, with a lot of lov in it for a lot of people- but it's very good indeedf to see that you are giving yourself some of that love too :) (or t least the lovely devalmont is showering it on you in true soulmate style )

I shall stop blathering now and just say *hugs*

[deborah_c]

You're wonderful, and I'm so glad the two of you found each other.

Thank you for thinking of us. *HUG*. Sometimes, though, alone is unavoidable, or at least loneliness is, which isn't necessarily synonymous. If everyone wrote about their love the way you do, though, it would be a great deal easier to bear.