Saddenend...

[ebb]

I've a lot of changing to do this month. Changes that I'm determined to make, but that aren't going to be easy for me. Changes that are needed both for myself long term, and for any chance of my relationships to work. And in order to make those changes, to the level I think is required, I'm going to need what I ask for in return because we're talking pretty major overhaul of character here.

If someone turns round after months and months of bliss and tells you that they're unsure if they love you or not, it hurts. Majorly. It's something I'm dealing with, but it's far from easy. It's changed the relationship instantly. If I'm "in love", the physical aspects as well as the mental aspects of the relationship serve to re-confirm my feelings constantly. I don't and can't treat the two seperately. So I see physical affection from someone who's "in love" with me as the same.

If they're emotions have changed towards me, I can't, for my own sake, accept anywhere near the same level of affection from them because it's more to me than a kiss! It's "I love you", and if they aren't certain of that, it gives me mixed signals.

I may not doubt my own feelings towards sapphrine at all, but he isn't certain of his own towards me and until it's established, one way or another, how he does feel, certain things are hurtful which aren't at all meant to be. I can't accept any physical assurance from him, because I'll take it at the time to mean "we're ok, I love you, it's all fine now" - which it isn't by any means and I know it. So I'd rather avoid that pain, the conflict it causes in me.

So, all that said.... does that make sense to anyone else? How would you deal with a similar situation? Am I being unreasonable?

Comments

[sallamino.livejournal.com]

it makes sense to me, but dont ask me how ur meant to deal with it, ummm

[sciamachy.livejournal.com]

Nope, sounds about right to me. You've got to do some damage limitation or you could get badly hurt, that's fair enough. If sapphrine sorts his head out then that's great but for now it's too much of a mess & you need your armour on, so to speak. I hope it all works out for you guys - you look good together. :-)

[sapphrine.livejournal.com]

*deep breath*

Wasn't going to post but i think things have already been taken wrongly by one person who's responded so i'm guessing it will be again.

We have been having problems and its things that I'm hoping will change with _ebb_. The fact that i'm unsure the relationship will / can continue is linked inextricably with how sure i am that I love her. If i was sure i loved her 100% i wouldn't be able to turn around and leave the relationship. Knowing i loved her 100% would mean that I would do whatever was necessary to keep the relationship together regarless of the effect on other people around us on anything else. As it is, I can't.

In so much as what has been said on here, I understand totally why you'd like the physical contact toned down but i can't understand why you would feel uncomfortable with me giving you a hug or holding your hand. Two things that i would do with many of my friends.

As I said before though, we'll go with whatever you decide.

Re:

[sciamachy.livejournal.com]

Ah, I see what you mean... Well, I still hope you guys sort it out. Good luck to you both! :-)

Re:

[ebb.livejournal.com]

I did and do understand what you meant.... I just needed to talk this through with a few other people, to try and establish how reasonable this was / wasn't as we all need to do sometimes, and lj seemed like the best option. It avoids the need for repetition and means only those who actually wish to comment do, rather than me putting anyone on the spot face to face.

I know you were happy to go for what we've discussed, or were at least accepting of it and I thank you for that. I'm sorry if this entry came accross / appears to be a criticism of you and how we're both dealing with this. It wasn't at all meant to be. It's me sounding out my thoughts and feelings, which is something I need to do with increasing regularity at the moment.